The Sooner The Better

Things have really taken off since the engagement. I feel like I’m reserving, booking and putting down deposits left and right. The wedding date is set for Spring 2016!!! Combining both cultures into the wedding has been a fun? challenge. For example, the outfits… Typically, South Asian wedding dresses are red and American dresses are white (duh). The compromise is for me to wear a white traditional Pakistani dress, we actually found one and it’s stunning!

One thing I want to make sure I don’t lose sight of is that at the end of this wedding craze, there is going to be a marriage. I am not sure that anyone is really ready for marriage, but I want to do my best to be prepared. I don’t know if pre-marital counseling is something we’ll do but I’m open to it and any good book recommendations are welcome.

This time last year I was in a pretty rough spot. Of course a lot has changed since then but the single most important thing I want to stress to people in similar situations is that the sooner you let your parents in on who you are, the sooner you get to enjoy a really awesome relationship with them.

This is extremely hard for first generation kids to do because our parents literally come from a different world then us. Even saying “I love you” is something they didn’t grow up with. Not saying they weren’t loved— it was just expressed MUCH differently. I admit, when I confided in my parents about T, it wasn’t a love fest right away. After some time passes, people are more open to forgive and eventually you get a chance to talk through everything.

I realized that the source of my sadness was not my family directly but it was the lack of connection we had. How can a person possibly connect with people that they feel they have to hide something so big from? Once everything was out in the open, the bad connection got a chance to get better with time. Because of a stronger family bond, I feel lighter, ready to have fun and more like myself. So long story short, open up to your parents, and don’t take years to do it! In the end they want to be there for you, if you let them.

Because I’m amazing at planning things, I wanted to give a list of wedding related tips like: What to Reserve First, How to Budget, Planning a Fusion Wedding…etc… but the only things I’ve learned so far is that somehow your budget will get blown out of the water, people will find reasons to complain, and what may seem simple is 100x harder when you put the word ‘Wedding’ in front of it, but as long as you remember that the person you’re marrying at the end of it all is your best friend then the rest doesn’t really matter.

Other updates: I’ve been a vegetarian for about 3 months. Thanks to binge watching 5 documentaries on Netflix, I realized how much I like my animals alive. Work is going well, family is doing great and I’m definitely aware of all the blessings coming our way and very thankful for them.


Float on!
-Rosh

Rings and things

When things get going, they get going pretty fast. Ty managed to pull off the surprise proposal before the formal engagement and it was spectacular. This is how it went down…

Since I knew the date of the formal engagement he had a really short window of time to try to pull off a “surprise” (side note: pulling off a surprise for me is nearly impossible). He reserved 5 nights throughout the month where I had to be free for anything he had planned. The first was a fancy dinner, the second time we went rock climbing and on the third he said we were going for a walk in a park. By that time I had already decided he was going to do it on the fourth night because going for walks in the park was nothing new. But as we were walking along, we came upon a clearing with rose petals, candles and photographers snapping away as he dropped down to one knee and popped the question. I’m not even sure I said yes, I may have blacked out. Snot and tears were coming out of about every pore in my face. His sister was the one who set it all up so she got a front row seat in the bushes. Afterwards, we went to dinner where he surprised me by inviting my friends, some even drove from Kansas City to be there. The effort and time he put into building the perfect ring for me was something I didn’t even know he was capable of and his proposal was everything I wanted–expected but unexpected in the moment. The next day T hosted a BBQ with the same friends that came in the night before which capped off the big weekend. The worst part was giving the ring back and waiting for the formal engagement with my family.

So fast forward through the LONGEST week of my life and it’s time for the formal engagement. My family had to plan this date around my sister’s due date for her baby so she wouldn’t be traveling too much while she was further along in her pregnancy. The engagement was on Friday August 21st. The guest list was only family, on my side it was my parents, 5 of my siblings (including my sister-in-law), my sister-in-law’s parents (who are awesome), my uncle (kind of random but still awesome). And then on T’s side it was his mom, his sister and their grandparents (who are again, awesome). The night started out like any typical desi night, everyone was running a little late…mainly me and my mom, things were a little disorganized but some how it ended up being fun. Like actually fun. At the start everyone was just chatting and then my dad prompted my mom to move forward, my mom threw the ball (figurative, not literal) back to my dad and told him to say a dua’a (a short prayer) and then we could move on with the engagement. My dad then threw the ball to my sister-in-law’s dad and before we even had a chance to explain to his family what a dua’a was, we had already started. The prayer was partly in English so that helped a lot. After that T gave me the ring and we exchanged gifts between the families. My favorite part of the night is that after T put the ring on my finger, him, his mom and my mom took a picture together and my mom said “you have two moms now!” and she was so happy. I love that lady. After about 1000 pictures we had dessert (before dinner!) then went out to a really nice restaurant.  Check out my instagram (@SaroshMoheet) if you want to see a pic from that night.

I am so happy that I got to have the emotional, private, proposal because it helped me keep my emotions in check around our families when it came time to be public. T really describes this whole engagement thing as a 3 step process. The first being that we got the green light from my folks and they set a date for it, the second being the proposal and the third being the official engagement.

So the day after this was my sister’s baby shower and it was cool to greet everyone and get lots of positive prayers and congratulations. In fact, one of the guests invited both T and I to her wedding (she also married an american guy) and we went! It was awesome to experience a Pakistani event together. We’ve made a lot of decisions about the feel of our wedding, like how we really want to respect both cultures, highlight both families and really have a strong sense of fusion. We’re starting to look at venues this week…LIKE WHAT.


Float on!

Rosh

Leaps and Bounds

It’s been months since I last posted but so much has happened and I finally have a chance to catch up. Every part of life is changing for the better.

I ended up quitting my job last month. I was on the fence about leaving my career but a round of bad food poisoning pushed me over the edge, as soon as I got discharged from the hospital I put in my two weeks notice. Obviously it was not fun but realizing that I could not even go home to feel better was terrible. I felt so disappointed in myself for quitting, I love working and not having another job lined up made me feel like I jumped the gun on leaving. Over the course of 2 months I had applied for 117 jobs.  After the 115th application I stopped applying because I realized I was being a little crazy and going for anything I thought I qualified for. Instead, I decided get very picky about what I wanted with my career, one thing I knew though was that it had to be close to home. Home meant moving back in with my parents, which i was actually excited for. Once I stopped losing my mind I ended up getting a great job with a company I can see myself with for a long time. The position is 10% travel instead of 100%, so I still get some travel perks which is nice.

Coming back home was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. As I’ve gotten a little older I’ve realized that my parents are loving, generous, strong and wise creatures. It took me leaving home, traveling for a while and being independent to realize how amazing parents are. So yes, I’m in my 20’s and I live with them but I would not have it any other way. It’s a beautiful thing to wakeup in the morning and hangout with them before the day starts, a lot of people would kill for that time with their parents.

Our family dynamic has changed a lot in the past few months. This is mainly because my older sister and her husband of 7 years are finally expecting their first child. They were trying for quite some time to get pregnant so all of us are very excited and thanking God for such a blessing. This baby has shifted the waters for Tyler and I in a very good way. We were hoping that we could get engaged this year.  We planned out some baby steps, having things sprinkled throughout the year so my family, mostly my mom, could get to know him better. That plan didn’t actually play out like we thought it would…

Instead, my sister was in town for a week and had a pretty lengthy discussion with my parents, I’m not really sure what was said but whatever it was, flipped a switch with my mom. My mom decided that when we host my sister’s baby shower next month, we would also do a formal engagement between Ty and I.  In our culture, we have a formal engagement instead of a surprise proposal which is typical of american culture. What happens is the boy’s family comes to the girl’s house and his family asks for her hand in marriage. The girl’s family responds (hopefully with a ‘yes’ since it’s planned out), and the boy presents his bride-to-be with a ring. Gifts are exchanged between the families, photos are taken and it’s a happy time for everyone. However, I grew up in America so this isn’t exactly how I envisioned getting engaged, to be honest. I’m so insanely thankful that we’re moving forward, especially since we’ve been waiting so long, but I do hope T pulls off a surprise proposal  before or after the formal one. The plan is to get engaged and married early next year, which is easier said than done. It’s going to be a crazy 9 months trying to figure out how exactly we’re going to do the wedding while still being respectful of both cultures coming together. IT’S SO CRAZY. It is just nuts. It is absolutely bananas. Bananas and nuts. I don’t really understand how it all happened. What we’ve waited years for is finally happening and we’re so ready for it.

I started this blog for a variety of reasons: I wanted to document my post-graduation-big-girl-job-traveling-the-world life but I also wanted to have an outlet for what T and I were going through, incase there was someone out there going through a similar thing. Future posts will probably revolve around how we’re combining out cultures for a fusion wedding or the process in general and the highs and lows around our union.


Float on!

-Rosh