The Sooner The Better

Things have really taken off since the engagement. I feel like I’m reserving, booking and putting down deposits left and right. The wedding date is set for Spring 2016!!! Combining both cultures into the wedding has been a fun? challenge. For example, the outfits… Typically, South Asian wedding dresses are red and American dresses are white (duh). The compromise is for me to wear a white traditional Pakistani dress, we actually found one and it’s stunning!

One thing I want to make sure I don’t lose sight of is that at the end of this wedding craze, there is going to be a marriage. I am not sure that anyone is really ready for marriage, but I want to do my best to be prepared. I don’t know if pre-marital counseling is something we’ll do but I’m open to it and any good book recommendations are welcome.

This time last year I was in a pretty rough spot. Of course a lot has changed since then but the single most important thing I want to stress to people in similar situations is that the sooner you let your parents in on who you are, the sooner you get to enjoy a really awesome relationship with them.

This is extremely hard for first generation kids to do because our parents literally come from a different world then us. Even saying “I love you” is something they didn’t grow up with. Not saying they weren’t loved— it was just expressed MUCH differently. I admit, when I confided in my parents about T, it wasn’t a love fest right away. After some time passes, people are more open to forgive and eventually you get a chance to talk through everything.

I realized that the source of my sadness was not my family directly but it was the lack of connection we had. How can a person possibly connect with people that they feel they have to hide something so big from? Once everything was out in the open, the bad connection got a chance to get better with time. Because of a stronger family bond, I feel lighter, ready to have fun and more like myself. So long story short, open up to your parents, and don’t take years to do it! In the end they want to be there for you, if you let them.

Because I’m amazing at planning things, I wanted to give a list of wedding related tips like: What to Reserve First, How to Budget, Planning a Fusion Wedding…etc… but the only things I’ve learned so far is that somehow your budget will get blown out of the water, people will find reasons to complain, and what may seem simple is 100x harder when you put the word ‘Wedding’ in front of it, but as long as you remember that the person you’re marrying at the end of it all is your best friend then the rest doesn’t really matter.

Other updates: I’ve been a vegetarian for about 3 months. Thanks to binge watching 5 documentaries on Netflix, I realized how much I like my animals alive. Work is going well, family is doing great and I’m definitely aware of all the blessings coming our way and very thankful for them.


Float on!
-Rosh

Rings and things

When things get going, they get going pretty fast. Ty managed to pull off the surprise proposal before the formal engagement and it was spectacular. This is how it went down…

Since I knew the date of the formal engagement he had a really short window of time to try to pull off a “surprise” (side note: pulling off a surprise for me is nearly impossible). He reserved 5 nights throughout the month where I had to be free for anything he had planned. The first was a fancy dinner, the second time we went rock climbing and on the third he said we were going for a walk in a park. By that time I had already decided he was going to do it on the fourth night because going for walks in the park was nothing new. But as we were walking along, we came upon a clearing with rose petals, candles and photographers snapping away as he dropped down to one knee and popped the question. I’m not even sure I said yes, I may have blacked out. Snot and tears were coming out of about every pore in my face. His sister was the one who set it all up so she got a front row seat in the bushes. Afterwards, we went to dinner where he surprised me by inviting my friends, some even drove from Kansas City to be there. The effort and time he put into building the perfect ring for me was something I didn’t even know he was capable of and his proposal was everything I wanted–expected but unexpected in the moment. The next day T hosted a BBQ with the same friends that came in the night before which capped off the big weekend. The worst part was giving the ring back and waiting for the formal engagement with my family.

So fast forward through the LONGEST week of my life and it’s time for the formal engagement. My family had to plan this date around my sister’s due date for her baby so she wouldn’t be traveling too much while she was further along in her pregnancy. The engagement was on Friday August 21st. The guest list was only family, on my side it was my parents, 5 of my siblings (including my sister-in-law), my sister-in-law’s parents (who are awesome), my uncle (kind of random but still awesome). And then on T’s side it was his mom, his sister and their grandparents (who are again, awesome). The night started out like any typical desi night, everyone was running a little late…mainly me and my mom, things were a little disorganized but some how it ended up being fun. Like actually fun. At the start everyone was just chatting and then my dad prompted my mom to move forward, my mom threw the ball (figurative, not literal) back to my dad and told him to say a dua’a (a short prayer) and then we could move on with the engagement. My dad then threw the ball to my sister-in-law’s dad and before we even had a chance to explain to his family what a dua’a was, we had already started. The prayer was partly in English so that helped a lot. After that T gave me the ring and we exchanged gifts between the families. My favorite part of the night is that after T put the ring on my finger, him, his mom and my mom took a picture together and my mom said “you have two moms now!” and she was so happy. I love that lady. After about 1000 pictures we had dessert (before dinner!) then went out to a really nice restaurant.  Check out my instagram (@SaroshMoheet) if you want to see a pic from that night.

I am so happy that I got to have the emotional, private, proposal because it helped me keep my emotions in check around our families when it came time to be public. T really describes this whole engagement thing as a 3 step process. The first being that we got the green light from my folks and they set a date for it, the second being the proposal and the third being the official engagement.

So the day after this was my sister’s baby shower and it was cool to greet everyone and get lots of positive prayers and congratulations. In fact, one of the guests invited both T and I to her wedding (she also married an american guy) and we went! It was awesome to experience a Pakistani event together. We’ve made a lot of decisions about the feel of our wedding, like how we really want to respect both cultures, highlight both families and really have a strong sense of fusion. We’re starting to look at venues this week…LIKE WHAT.


Float on!

Rosh